I have normal hyperfixations. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to watch 260 episodes about plane crashes

DID I DIE IN FUCKING WAR??????

What, have to make sure you’re being paid to pray?

THEY’RE SAYING I SHOULD TRUST THE TWITTER BOT TO FIX MY NUTRIENT INTAKE??? HELLO???

Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, coffee drink to fuel my trouble

okay who spawned all these flamethrowers?

Have we considered the implications of hitting people with a bus?

schrodinger’s he/him

I’m playing five nights at freddy’s in real life, except the objective is to stay awake until 5PM

celsi✨yass✨

Epic Rap Battles of History: Me vs My Avoidant Traits

dude i’m so excited to become 1000 years old

I’d still prefer to keep my hair spiderless in the future.

the twinklerrr

How do we stop going lizard mode

Oh right the contortionist was out 30 seconds ago

Why did I switch into our feet on our shoulder blades?

Welcome to the Adel-Art exhibition.

• this body is wayyyy too mortal
• i can try working on that
• no thanks i changed my mind this body is the perfect amount of mortal

you laid in bed for 2 hours instead of making food and now we have a migraine. until you take care of the body i get to throw as much shrimp as i want

When I breathe in through my nose, it smells like caramel coffee and an aquarium.

Is eating a chicken sandwich gender nonconforming?

hey, could you have your inner turmoil a bit more quietly? i need to focus on my yuri

• anyways, I’m tormenting them with evil Elmo’s World
• oh yeah, that is evil Elmo’s world

no.. N0. PUT THE SCRABBLE BOARD AWAY.

horse a man to fish and hel hrose for aday. but a man manhorse fishman life fish horsetime

why are you monologui ng. how do you spell it. monologuing. monologuing?

Quit fondling your balls and get your ass over here!!

also honorable mention to the fucking idiot in front with me because she spilt his water all over one of our beds as I wrote this

Hands are not my thing. They’re nice…I guess

My back sounds like Rice Krispies

I can only count to 5… 8, 9, 10, 11, 12

I have a VPN, I’ll just click “connect to United Kingdom” and suffer

I will break quarantine for Pac-Man

I prefer Gregorian chants

I can cry in three different formulas

You can spit in my mouth if you want to

My birthday is just another day except people are being more annoying

I wish Sharknado would happen already

I can’t find my pants, what am I going to do?

Oh, so I can’t summon demons, but you can bring back the dead?

You should have more birthdays

Quit flexing your Spongebob knowledge on me !!

I’ve never played chess in my life but I can guarantee that I would beat you

What color do red and blue make?

That’s two birds and a stone

Would you like to see my balloon collection?

The bears were fucking and the parents were letting their kids watch????

Candy corn tastes like a sock covered in barbecue sauce

You look like the Great fucking Pumpkin so I don’t wanna hear about it