In case this is your first time on the internet, this is a joke.

TECHNICAL

The Nonsense Whitepaper

Peer-reviewed by at least two people on Discord.

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Roadmap milestones are aspirational targets and not contractual obligations. All milestones prior to Q2 2026 are subject to change. The Q2 2026 “Rugpull” milestone is the only milestone the team considers non-negotiable. In the event that the founder cannot be reached, investors should assume the project has concluded successfully (for the founder). The idevice Coin team (currently one person) reserves the right to go offline without notice, effective immediately upon completion of the final milestone.

Our aggressive timeline for becoming the dominant force in both crypto and iOS security.

Q1 2026 - Done ✓
Came Up With The Idea
Realized iOS RE was too hard. Pivoted to crypto. Made this website in 20 minutes. Listed price as $0.000067 for obvious reasons.

Q2 2026
Token Launch & Exchange Listings
List on a major DEX. Possibly also a centralized exchange if they’ll have us. Acquire first 1,337 holders organically. Moon confirmed.

Q3 2026
Proof of Protocol Mainnet
Launch our custom blockchain where validators must reverse engineer and document an undocumented Apple device protocol to mine blocks. Protocol researchers will become our miners. Genius.

Q4 2026
idevice Coin App on App Store
Submit to App Store. Get rejected 17 times. Submit again with different bundle ID. Eventually get accepted. Apple takes 30% of our fees, which is actually fine because we’re used to fighting Apple.

Q2 2026 FINAL MILESTONE
Rugpull
Drain liquidity pool. Delete Twitter. Disable website. Board flight. Do not look back. Resume iOS protocol RE from undisclosed location with significantly more money.

Initial AI (absurd intelligence) slop

Token allocation percentages are approximate and subject to change at founder’s discretion. “Community” allocation does not imply any governance rights, profit-sharing, dividends, equity, or claim of any kind. Holding iDVC tokens entitles you to: (1) the tokens themselves, which may be worthless, (2) the right to post about it on Twitter. The “Liquidity” allocation exists in theory. The founder acknowledges that removing liquidity is technically possible and declines to make any promises about whether this will happen.

Founder vesting schedule: None. Tokens go directly to founder wallet at launch.
Liquidity lock duration: 0 days (unlocked)
Founder sell restriction: None. Founder may sell at any time including T+0.
Exit clauses: Founder may exit the project at any time for any reason, including “felt like it.”
DAO governance: Planned. Founder retains 1 vote per token, totaling 40% of all votes.
Smart contract audit: Pending. Auditor has not been hired. Budget: $0

Where does the money go?

40%
Founder Wallet
(me, jackson)

1%
Community
you guys

20%
Marketing
twitter shills

20%
Development
buying a Nintendo Switch 2

9%
Liquidity
or something

I spent years reverse engineering iOS device protocols - dissecting USB traffic at 3am, parsing undocumented binary formats, yelling at remotedeviced. Fascinating? Yes. Financially life-changing? Less so.

Then I discovered crypto. In the time it took me to reverse one undocumented Apple service protocol, a 19-year-old in Miami made $4M on a dog coin. I’ve done the math. The numbers don’t lie.

idevice Coin runs on our proprietary Proof of Protocol (PoP) consensus algorithm. Validators must successfully reverse engineer and document an undocumented Apple device service to earn block rewards. (We have not thought about what happens when Apple changes the protocol.)

By clicking “Buy iDVC Now” you acknowledge that the founder’s 40% token allocation is fully unlocked at TGE with no vesting schedule, no lockup period, and no legal obligation to hold for any duration. Founder reserves the right to sell all tokens simultaneously with your purchase. Past performance of imaginary coins is not indicative of future results. iDVC tokens may decrease in value to $0.00 at any time, including immediately after you buy them, particularly if the founder has recently checked his bank balance. The term “to the moon” is used colloquially and does not constitute a binding delivery commitment. idevice Coin Foundation LLC™ Inc. Corp. is not registered in any jurisdiction, has no physical address, and can be reached at an email address that may or may not be checked.

© 2026 idevice Coin Foundation LLC™ Inc. Corp. | This is a rugpull, I am going to take your money | Not financial advice | Not legal advice | Not advice of any kind | idevice Coin Foundation LLC™ Inc. Corp. is incorporated in a jurisdiction we have not decided yet, possibly international waters. | The founder’s wallet address will not be made public prior to the token generation event or after it. | Purchasing iDVC constitutes your acceptance of all current and future terms, including any terms added retroactively after your purchase. | idevice Coin Foundation LLC™ Inc. Corp. maintains full discretion over the “Community” allocation and may reallocate it to the founder wallet if community sentiment is deemed “insufficiently bullish.” | The liquidity pool may be described as “temporarily reduced” rather than “removed” depending on communications advice. | The founder has one-way flights bookmarked to several destinations and this is completely unrelated to the project. | All token sales are final. Refunds will be processed in iDVC at the then-current price, which will be $0.00 after the rugpull.

idevice Coin (iDVC) - A completely serious cryptocurrency.
Built by someone who definitely knows what they’re doing.

Drop your email and we’ll notify you the moment we figure out how to deploy a smart contract.

Section 7.4 - Founder Rights: The founding team retains irrevocable rights to liquidate their full token position at any time without prior notice to the community, the DAO (if formed), or any exchange listing the token. The whitepaper’s projected returns are not forecasts. The word “anticipate” was chosen specifically because it has no legal meaning. By reading this whitepaper you confirm you have read section 7.4, which you have now read. The founding team’s exit constitutes “a successful conclusion of the initial liquidity event” and not a “rugpull” as that term implies malicious intent, which we categorically deny in advance.

We anticipate a 420x return within 67 days of listing, based on absolutely no financial modeling whatsoever.

The iDVC network achieves consensus through a DAG-based mempool (we read about this on Wikipedia), a SHA-3 hashing function (sounds more secure than SHA-2), and vibes-based finality. Transactions are confirmed once the founder has had his morning Coke Zero.

idevice Coin (iDVC) proposes a novel consensus mechanism we call Proof of Protocol (PoP), wherein block validators must demonstrate successful reverse engineering of a previously undocumented Apple device service protocol. This elegantly solves two problems: (1) it makes mining useful, and (2) it finally gives protocol reverse engineers a financial incentive beyond “internet clout.”

After years of reverse engineering iOS device protocols, I’ve seen enough. The real money is in crypto. Introducing idevice Coin: the blockchain built for people who used to care about undocumented binary formats. Also, it might be a rugpull.

April Fools! Gotcha!

Features & Improvements

• Uh… I think someone left the little chicken coop open… and now there’s no stopping them!

Last weekend I did nonsense.

Your preselected topping choice. Our advanced AI determined these top 3 toppings for you.

Warning!
pizza_create: create(0) failed: Pineapple detected. Recovery process initiated.

Success! No pineapple detected. Your order is safe.

Warning! Pineapple detected. This may cause unknown side effects.

Your chef, REDACTED, is preparing your pizza. Please wait warmly.

Disclaimer: Modrinth Pizza is not responsible for any mod conflicts, crashes, or server outages caused by our pizza. Eat at your own risk. By ordering, you agree to this and to allow us to collect your data to sell to the highest bidder.
Bon appétit! 🍕

Compatible with all Minecraft flavors, auto-updates via cheese.toml, and is fully open sauce.

Say hello to Modrinth Pizza — the world’s first modded pizza delivery service. Pick your loader (Forge, Fabric, or Quilt crust), and get delicious slices shipped straight to your server.

the wayback machine isn’t loading at all, great

maybe it’s been archived on the wayback machine though, then i could just use that

nevermind, the wayback machine doesn’t work

EVERYONE, STOP NONSENSEING, IT’S ALL A TRICK BY THE GOVERNMENT TO MAKE US BUY MORE SCHAMPOO!!

He was right.

REDACTED was slain by Darktouched Redcap using [Darktouched Redcap’s Piercing Organic Machete of the Glacier]

our quality of nonsense could seriously be improved by getting makesense out of our nonsense.

how do i water my jetpack??

sixty even..

good news! mrrp!

DANGER
MEN
COMPUTING

QUESTIONS!

• Is soup a beverage?
• Is it a beverage if you drink it with a straw?
• Is coffee a soup if you eat it with a spoon?
• Is Cap’n Crunch soup?
• Soup?
• Ipso facto soupso?

well erm, zero is like, just potential, it like the superposition stuff, then the rrst collapses once u pick sth

boutta fed bouutta uh boutta dah yep yep aha then eat it and wait, naaahh.. hmmm.. sure… why not!!!! check it out then:

dark gorgeous reversed fluid electric hiphop w/ rap, blends thrown into the mix, experimental electronic overseer, beautiful choir of conflicting female vocals, some singing, reading, narrating around

whitelops
female
0.54

our freedom of speech we gotta fight the powers that be pararara fight the power uh fight the powah… fight the fire… fire fighting… fight the fire… uh.. fight it until you can eat the thing from within, that purple thing reach for the purple thing inside the fire that is consuming us all, quickly, go, do it, do it now, buy it, then rip it and eat it raw

ahh.. undici… dis.. novo.. nove.. oito.. sette… septimum.. sis.. san… torium… sanc.. foursette.. corsette.. of course, i’ll give you my corsette, my pretty pink corsette is thawing outside uder the sun, quickly melting under the snow, i’m gonna go out and chomp it under a bun under the bus because who can stop me? who’s gonna stop me? who’s gonna raise his hand and yell so loud that skies grow into a dark thick fog of grey ravenous and violent supercells looming closer to us aiming to consume us all, who’s gonna be the brave one huh?

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

and iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii wee uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhlllll wayyssssssssssssssssssssss loooooooooooooooooooooopp around… like sussy hops… covering my forehead with my big flappy white ears… dressed up in a cop suit, wandering around like a cotton soup, as soon as you see me hitting you from the back i will already be in venichi pah, will you ever catch a single clue, will you ever keep up with the blues, can you ever see the vertical and veridical fire that is pointing down at us, yo bro can you get me that larousse, im gonna give you smack, god i oughtta give you some smack when i get home for never listening to me while you still had pretty fluffy and pink lungs

The stair bounces off the carrot’s leaf (that’s the one-legged cat’s paradox)

the orientation of the chair above your sleepyhead is very important: facing the window (right) is inward, facing the door (left) is outward

QUESTION. QUESTION. FROM STRANGE STRANGE

sale
sale

sasalele

Holland(er) Bakery

infact you won’t understand some things if you are not silly

PSA:

1. If you are not silly, it is vital you become silly
2. If you are silly, you must stay silly
3. If you used to be silly but have stopped, you must make all efforts to return to silliness

• If you are silly, you must look for ways to get sillier

b * a * n * a * n
the banan formula