The train calls at REDACTED.
The ambassador would like to apologise but unfortunately the Ferero Rocher has run out this evening. But he is spoiling you by giving you eight coaches and 620 seats.
Mind you, there’s not many of us on the train this evening so if you can space yourself out, make the train look a bit more busy.
Unfortunately though we’ve got no toilets, no air conditioning, no first class and a trolly service of drinks and light refreshments will not be provided.
Whilst you are on the train please keep an eye on all your important items.
If you are thinking of having a little snooze then sit back and relax. But do keep hold of your items as well.
turns off lights
Woooooooooooo
turns on lights
If you notice anyone suspicious on the train, please report them to a member of staff or you can report it on Twitter (formerly 𝕏). You could try the Ghostbusters but I don’t think they’re available at this time of night.
Wherever you are going to be leaving the train though, make sure you’re not silly and leave anything behind.
And do mind the gap, and the step, between the train, and the platform.
Crawling our way round to REDACTED, we are following a stopping train that will be out of our way in a few minutes time.